So i am late to the game because i wasn’t going to liveblog, and then Richard was Ricardo and riding a horse.

So I had to.

As the episode is paused, commentary: it apparently is so far Spanish-themed. Hooray? Also, Ricard = muey caliente!

Thank you Jack for finally asking someone to just be honest. Also, your smirk when you responded “Locke’s dead,” was priceless Jack and also made me want to slap you.

With that, I’m pressing play!

So seriously, Ricardo? Spanish? Canary islands? 18what-the-what? Aaaand it’s consumption. Aka, Richard if you leave her she is going to die alone. Ahh, but a souvenir!

Oh, Ricardo. Am I supposed to recognize the evil doctor? Ooooo he is meeeeean. But I honestly am not caring very much right now. I also love Nestor Campbell. I think whatever problems I have with this episode will have nothing to do with him. Oh, youuuu just killed the evil doctor. Whoops. Hm. That’s no good.

Awwwwww, your love is dead, poor Richard. That is the theme of Lost. Aw, oaky, this part is sad. Ooooh he speaks English! Sorta. Awww, Richard is discarded by a priest? Wow, no wonder he thinks he is in Hell. Wow, this is a really bad priest. Can they even do that? I wouldn’t know, I’ve only been to confession once in my life. <-- that was a confession. HAH! See what I did there?

Eeeeeenglish? You totally came over on that ship. Ohhhh, maybe the priest isn’t so terrible.

Aww, what IS terrible is Lost CGI. Also being a slave. Ricardo eyes! EGYPTIAN STATUE!

Huh, I forgot the smoke monster is so old. Question: Why did Jacob bring people to the island if the smoke monster was going to kill them? Or is he/it allowed to kill all non-candidates?

EYE! And definite eyeliner. Oooo butterfly! This is a really long flashback.

EWWWWW Wild boar. Grosssssssss.

Okay, what the hell if Isabella isn’t the smoke monster? I’m confused. Unless she is? Jacob’s touch! It’s life-giving and all. OHHHH Just made that connection with the fountain. Jacob = fountain. Both give life. Possibly- oh. It’s the man in black. Like Richard, also muy caliente. Man in Black is tricky.

OOO… it’s good to see you out of those chains? I should really know who said that line.

Again with the no-talking-only-killing policy.

Man in black is being confusing. He has no body? Also right-wrong divide of choices.

Jacob’s a fighter? Weird. Does that count as touching? Also, Crazy Jacob is weird. He shouldn’t have got that haircut. And that scene was poorly done. This is confusing.

Ohhh I see what they’re doing here. Jacob isn’t a keeper of the island, he’s the keeper of the evil. Wait, that line Jacob said was reeeeally important. Ugh, Jacob SUCKS. He’s like a crappy parent. Has he evolved since this time? Is this like immature whiny Jacob? Also cocky Jacob. HAH inside joke.

JESUS that was a long flashback. Really was it necessary? I guess now we know why the island exists, and what Jacob does, and who Albert is. COME ON- after 200 years the necklace is that easy to find?

Hurley, we all go to hell? Well that’s a bitch of a line.

JOHN LOCKE LOOKING BALLERRRRRRRR. What whaaat.

Was breaking the wine necessary?