LAX pt. 1

Okay, incoherent lost recap for LAX pt. 1, to be followed by incoherent LAX pt. 2 recap. Spoilers if you haven't seen, duh.

Watching the previously on lost. Don’t really want to Watch juliet die again, please.

WHITE SCREEN. Forgot how exciting that was.

Woah. ?

Damn jack looks good in high definition.

AHHH This is SO weird. SO weird.

Okay also watching this is really making me not want to fly ever again.

Good thing watching it late—REWIND! What did Rose say? You’ve got to go now? Nope, just the same, you can let go now.

Also does this mean that Rose and Bernard aren’t on the island any more with the dog? I miss that. Also does Rose still have cancer now? Wiat this is bad. Boo.

WHAT IS THAT JACK. JACK WHAT.

HI DESMOND. WHY ARE YOU HERE? You were never here. I am so confused. How many times am I going to say that this episode?

Uuuunderwater. Dory fish!

And the island sunk? It’s Atlantis? Oh lost, I forgot how BAD your CGI is.

God, Juliet has to die again? Haven’t we been tortured enough?

JUUULIET!!!! Oh no, it’s Kate. IN a tree. Sounding muffled. Is that her or the computer? … Her.

Oh hey miles!! WOAH.

OMG SAWYER. Oh it’s Jack. What is my problem with identifying characters??

Okay, question. How are they not all dead from the blast?

OH HEY SAWYER! Good for you! Thanks for hitting Jack. I think he kind of needed it.

This is weird. I dislike the parallel universe thing. A lot.

HI BIZARRO SAWYER. You look better not covered in blood. You look really good.

OH it’s that guy. What was his name? ARZT. Good thing I spent HOURS on Lostpedia this week.

Hurley! Are the numbers no longer cursed? … I guess so. What bizzaro land is this? Is Sawyer like a saint or something?

OMG I FORGOT SAYID GOT SHOT. IS HE DEAD? WHAT?

Thanks Sawyer for asking the question I asked before.

OMG JULIET! JULIET!!!!! JUUUUUUULIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JULIETPLEASEDONTBEDEADEVER.

Also Sayid. Both of you can’t die. SAYID YOU CANT DIE. Aw Hurley, you’re adorable. Please be Jacob. YES I WIN!!!!!! +100 Lostpoints.

God I love watching this without commercials.

Awww, I hope Jin and Sun are happy in this life. Guess not. So basically, who’s life wasn’t better by being on the island?

HEY LOCKE. BOONE!!!!!!! Is this jocular Locke or old Locke? Can you walk? So is Shannon not on the plane? That cause Maggie Grace didn’t wanna, right? Locke totally can walk. Wow. What.

Um Jacob burned fast? Aw, Ben. I forgot just how much I loved you in that last scene when you killed Jacob. You were SO good.

GOD I also love Richard Alpert. And Sawyer.

JACOB SAVE HIM. HAHAH I LOVE HURLEY.

OMG CHARLIE! WHAT. CHARLIE. NO. WHAT.

See, you should have never have left the island, everbody. Although Charlie does just die anyways. But still, he meets Claire. And Aaron.

Hey it’s Boone’s pen!!! Ew ew ew this is gross. Jesus Charlie, you nearly died by trying to swallow your stash?

Okay without commercials this is harder to keep up since it goes so much faster.

JULIET BE ALIVE. PLEASE. PLEASE. OKAY NOW STAY ALIVE. AAAHHHHHHH.

Oh, Hurley. You’re so awesome.

GOD I MISSED LOST.

Can new-Locke not die? … guess so. Huh. OH HES THE SMOKE MONSTER NOW.

Well that was a theory confirmed. Oh, man in black = black smoke.

Aw, I’m kind of sad Locke is dead. Like think about it—he’s just so awesome. Not Jocular Locke, but real Locke.

OH THE ASH KEEPS HIM SAFE. LIKE JACOBS CABIN. NEATO. Woah. Except not when you have shitty balance.

SHIT SON. Lost is playing fo’ real this season.

Awwwww Juliet I love you. SO much. Probably more than Sawyer does. OH please don’t die, Juliet. Don’t go off and do V. It’s not worth it. Oh come on she can’t die like that. Lost writers, really? REALLY? Now I’m just kinda mad at you.

Oh Juliet. Um, Sawyer? Jack loved her too at one point… kinda. Or well, you know.

AW Charlie don’t say things like that. Please.

Why isn’t Juliet on this flight? Whine. That can’t mean anything good.

NADIA! Okay, maybe Sayid would’ve been happier if he’d gotten to LAX. I also have no memory of Jin’s Rolex. Aw, Kate. And Charlie. ‘N everybody.

AWWW LOCKE YOU CANT WALK. LOCKE. BREAK MY HEART WHY DON’T YOU. God. Poor Locke. This is horrible.

Well, that’s one half. Not much learned, except smoke monster is jocular Locke. Who is also superman? And basically everyone should’ve stayed on the island. Also, Juliet. GOD. Why did they have to kill her with a crappy line like that? I mean, it just… ugh. I can’t even be properly sad about it. Except for Sawyer.